Perfectly imperfect artist's



"Life is the Art of drawing without an eraser."
- John Gardner



 

 

When I was in Design school, my classes were a mixture of design, architecture, and art.  I remember taking a drawing class, where most days were all about "timed" drawings.  We would all be in a circle with our easels and there would be a still life set up in the center of the circle we formed.  The instructor would start a timer and we had a minute to sketch EVERYTHING in the still life.  Then she would take it down to 30 seconds to sketch the entire still life.  Then 10 and eventually only 3 seconds to sketch it all.  While this exercise is good for many reasons, the one that always jumps out at me is that it gets you over the phobia of "doing it wrong" or "making a mistake".  You didn't have time to worry about it, you just did it.  We would just be ourselves and do it. When we were done with the exercises, we would walk around and look at each others easels full of sketches.  We all had the same subject matter at the center of our work; the still life.  But each easel had a vastly different style.  A completely individual look.   Every easel of sketches, was different and unique. 

 

 The mistakes within the sketches became part of our beautiful style and being our authentic self. 

When a designer is starting to put pen to paper, they use a paper known as vellum.  It is a very thin transparent paper that you can see through.  It comes on a roll and is used in the ideation and sketching process to start most projects.  It is considered a scratch paper or trash paper if you will. You tear off a sheet, tape it down and do your rough idea sketch.  The beauty of this paper is that you can then continue to tear off sheets from the roll and then layer them on top of the first sheet and refine your underlying idea sketch.  Most times, I would end up with around 30 layers of vellum paper before I had my final drawing. (This was more popular in the days before CAD (Computer Aided Drafting), but is still used in the ideation process or in the field.)  Funny thing was, you never worried about a stray line or a wrong idea, you just kept sketching and layering until you got to that top sheet which you would then use to trace onto the final drawing.  ALL of the underlying layers were still there and used.  All of the sheets where ideas and sketches were less than perfect or finished, were still there aiding in the final top layer.

 

 Each imperfect layer was an important part of the final product. 

 

I think the greatest lesson that I learned in those classes, is that as a budding designer and artist, 

 

there are no mistakes.  The imperfections are perfection.

 

These are always my last words to my children each time I sit them down to blank piece of paper or canvas.  Invariably one of them, will have a moment in their drawing or paintings that is not what they had envisioned.  Sometimes, one of my children will even have tears over the disappointment in what they believe to be a mistake in their art.  I always come to their sides and remind them again,

 

"There are no mistakes when creating your art." 

 

 

In coming alongside of them, we talk about ideas of what they could do with the "stray" line or their so called "wrong" color.  How it can be worked into their work of art and how it can become richer and maybe even better than what they imagined.  Last night, my son drew an apple and he was dissatisfied with it's overall shape.  He claimed it looked flat on one side.  On his own he turned his paper so that the apple looked as if it was resting on it's side....as if it had fallen to the ground and landed on it's flattened side.  He proceeded to draw a rock under the flattened side of the apple and was off and running with a completely different story for his drawing.  When completed, my son beamed and commented on how much more satisfied he was with the "mistake" in his drawing and where it had led him.  We looked at his drawing together, and my son proceeded to describe each part of his picture in detail, constantly marveling over the

 "once mistake", becoming a unique beautiful perfection. 

 

 

I can't help but think over my life and how many mistakes I have made and how God has intervened and made them a unique beautiful perfection.  Through Him and in Him these once thought of mistakes in life become an incredible beauty to behold. He finds a way to show me how to take my mess...mistakes...hurts,... my "trash", and turn it into "treasure"!  How cool is that! Our Creator is an Artist and Designer himself.  I find so many times that I am like my children, looking at my canvas (my life) and I suddenly realize with dissatisfaction that I have made a mistake on my painting of life.  Some how, he speaks to me and gives me a different way to look at my imperfect paint stroke (a decision or situation or hurt or anger) and helps me to find a way to integrate it into the most amazing painting on my canvas of life.  It is always better than anything I imagined myself.

 If our lives were "paint by number", how boring would that be?!

Be Yourself.

Be fully who you were made to be.

Live fully right where you are.

See the so called "trash" in your life as potential "treasures".

 

Finding a way to turn messes and mistakes into a work of art.....THAT is Artful Living!

 

Here is a little inspiration from Mercy River, called "Beautiful Life".  Enjoy!



 

 

 

 

 



This Week:
What "yuck" is going on in your life right now?
Have you recently made a mistake or realized, in hind sight, you made a mistake?
Are you nursing a wound, a hurt?
What decisions for forward movement, healing, and peace of mind, need to be made?
What potential "Work of Art" lies within your "yuck"?
How is our Creator, the ultimate Artist and Designer, guiding you to be creative with your mistake?


"For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago." - Ephesians 2:10

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands." - Psalm 19:1



Being Comfortable in the Uncomfortable

I'm a mess.  Yes, that's right, I said it. A hot mess.  It was my birthday and I was standing with my backside facing the large wall mirror. All the while, looking into the hand held mirror in my hand at my bikini clad reflection in the larger mirror behind me. Ladies,... I am sure you all know what I was doing.  Yes, I was looking at my 39 year old hiney and wondering if I was brave enough to hit the very public and populated beaches of Newport, California.  I had wanted to head to the beach for my birthday.  Wanted to escape the summer heat of Arizona and enjoy the surf.  (Sigh.) Let me tell you, it was not one of my finer moments. I was having a body image meltdown in the tiny hotel room with overanxious children ready to head to the beach.  My husband was exasperated with me and all out of words to sooth my fragile female insecurities. Not fun.  Here I stood looking at my backside in the, ever growing larger, hotel mirror.  Seriously, when had my butt gotten so lumpy?  My bottom looked as if it was melting down my thighs!  When had the junk in my trunk gotten...old and messy?  The panic started to rise.  I had only packed a bikini and a one piece.  They each had their redeeming qualities and each their downfalls.  My mind was swirling. (I told you, I'm a mess.)  It was the start of MY day.  MY Birthday!  I can't let a little thing like a lumpy butt set the tone for my day. Ok, ok, I had to think about this...maybe it was the lighting... so I turned just a little more towards the light....(gasp!) NOT!.  I put the mirror down and covered my face with my hands.  I had the fleeting thought of emergency texting my friend who is a personal trainer, "EMERGENCY! I have a lumpy rump!  Must meet and fix ASAP!"  My more practical side prevailed.  I settled on the one piece, threw a sarong around my waist and faced the mirror and told myself, I had a day to cease.  I was going to walk out that door and pretend like I had the "saweeetest" hiney in the world. I was going to

fake it 'til I could make it. 

I ended up having an amazing day!  Lumpy hiney and all!  I played with my kids and husband in the surf most of the early afternoon.  My kids told me numerous times at the beach how much fun they were having with me in the waves.  We all laughed at ourselves and at each other the entire time.  Great memories were made.  Though, I must admit, I did think to myself many times how uncomfortable I felt, even while having fun.  I forced myself to sit with the uncomfortable feelings of less than pretty and feeling old.  I sat with those until I could separate the "feelings" from my "being".  In the end, great joy was found in the day.  But I pushed myself to
 

be comfortable in the uncomfortable.
 

I am a mess.  Yes,.... I said it again.  I am a hot mess.  Come on over to my house and you will find dust bunnies living full lives in the deep recesses of my home.  Dirty dishes in the sink.  They are practically a requirement for daily life.  Doggie paw prints on the sliding glass doors, are a considered a work of art here.  Paper piles, art supplies, hot glue guns, and crayons are found at arms length most anywhere in my home.  Toothpaste crust in the sink of the kids bathroom grows exponentially.  My closets and dressers are actually not too bad.  But that might be due to us constantly pulling clean outfits from the stacks of clean laundry in the laundry baskets.  The fridge is never fully stocked.  The dirty laundry in the laundry room is piled at least 2 feet high on top of the dryer.  I have probably 10 half done home improvement projects that have been sitting around for, oh....um...maybe a minimum of two years.  I can no longer see the front of my refrigerator for the "art collage project"  I'm working on entitled, "Kids papers, reminders, schedules, baby sitter and dog grooming phone numbers."   I am a mess.  I will admit, that staying open to people coming into my home despite the mess, is very challenging for me.  I try hard to be comfortable in the uncomfortable on this issue.  Strides are made to have people welcomed into my home, even when the house is in a sorry state.  Funny thing, they haven't run screaming, but instead return over and over.  Still loving and caring for me even in my homes' ebb and flow, from messy to tidy and back to messy again.  Much to my surprise it is not a factor in our relationships.  It is so difficult to let someone see my 'mess', in my home.  Now, bear in mind, that this is still a work in progress, for me.  I'll be honest, this being comfortable in the uncomfortable is tough stuff.  I think the uncomfortable feeling in this situation is that I am afraid of being rejected or unloved if someone sees my messy home.  

 

I certainly don't have this all figured out. Have I told you I'm a mess?  The other day I prayed for the first time in a group of people.  Prayer has always been a very, very, private thing for me. So this was completely out of my comfort zone.  For some reason I had a fleeting moment of bravery and volunteered myself to lead a group of ladies in prayer.  My cheeks went hot, palms were sweating, couldn't think straight, and worse yet I had nothing coming to mind to say!  What was I thinking?!  Being in the moment and exposed for the poor prayer "sayer" that I am, sent my heart racing.  All thought ceased in my brain.  To top it off, the group I offered to lead in prayer was a group of women belonging to a christian women's group!  I'm going to be found out!  The panic was rising as I stood there holding hands with these ladies, feeling so vulnerable and uncomfortable.  But amazingly, I started speaking.  The words came.   I have no idea how, but they did.  They were not pretty and eloquent like so many in that circle that I have heard before.  What I spoke was messy and awkward and I think I even quoted a line from a song...(insert eyeroll)!  The uncomfortable feeling in this situation, was appearing ignorant, and uninspiring.  I didn't want to lose their respect.  What I found was great joy with myself that I took on the challenge, persevered, and came out on the other side. I realized I had completely jumped into the abyss of the uncomfortable and decided to just sit with that uncomfortable feeling of being "less than adequate".  But was I really "less than adequate"?  Was that the truth? No.  My being...who I am...was not that negative feeling of "less than adequate".

 A funny thing happens when you sit with the uncomfortable feeling.  You start to separate the "feeling" from who you are as a person.  That uncomfortable feeling is not your truth or your authentic self.

 

You start to realize that you CAN feel comfortable in the uncomfortable once you separate the two.  Why are these moments, like the examples above, so important in our lives?  They are great practice for when the harder times come.  God tells us that "it is not if the hard times will come, but when the difficult times will come to pass."  These smaller situations that I described above are great practice for the tougher times in life.  Great strength is gained in pushing oneself through these moments.  Making realizations that we WILL get through to the other side of challenging times.  That there is life beyond the uncomfortable and that our personal truth is not our negative emotion.   There is great opportunity that lies within the uncomfortable.  Gains in personal growth, confidence, less negative inner monologue, character, and stronger faith.  JOY is a choice.  One can make the decision to choose to find the JOY in any situation.  When we keep ourselves in the negative feelings or worse yet, avoiding the negative feelings, we miss out on the JOY to be found. Though many of us, myself included, struggle with even the above situations; bikini's, messy homes, and praying in a groups.  By facing and sitting in the uncomfortable feelings and getting through those, I opened myself up to experience the joy of of living fully right where I was.  THAT is Artful Living!  

So how can we build our tolerance muscles, for being comfortable in the uncomfortable? We start small.  Then we work up from there.  Here are some example ideas to get you started. 

- Write with your non-dominant hand.
- Sleep with your head at the foot of the bed.
- Change up your drive to work.
- Speak when you normally wouldn't speak. Stay quiet when you wouldn't normally stay quiet.
- Wear something you wouldn't normally wear.
- Change up your routine of the day.
- Eat something you don't like.
- Listen to an entire cd that you don't like.

Try coming up with your own list of things you might try.  Start small, but try to really challenge yourself.

 

  Remember, there are opportunities and great gains in the challenges of life.

This Week:
Try one thing each day, this week, that is out of your comfort zone.  Sit with the discomfort.  Then ask yourself, "What is the uncomfortable feeling I am having?"  Once you have identified it, do further self inquiry into the why of the uncomfortable feeling.  Do some soul searching. See if you can separate that negative emotion from your identity.  At the end of the week, take stock of each thing you tried, and ask yourself, "What have I learned?  How have I grown?  Do I feel stronger and ready to take on the next level of challenges?"   Be creative and have fun! 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you." - Philippians 4:6-8

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." - Hebrews 12:11


The Path Behind Us

I couldn't move.  I couldn't go forward.  I couldn't go backwards. Moving left or right to go around the cars in front of me was not an option.  I had to wait. There were so many cars in front of me on the road that I couldn't see what was up ahead. That "running 10 minutes early" that I had going for me earlier was now undone and quickly changing into "running 10 minutes late".  I sighed a very audible sigh.  "Great", I thought, "I made preparations to be ahead today, and now I am behind.  I can't see how long this line of traffic is up ahead of me.  I can't move forward and must just wait where my car sits."  I smile and snicker to myself at the irony of my predicament.  My lonely "getting nowhere" situation seemed to match the mood I was in with the current affairs of my life.  Feeling like God has left me all alone and I'm not moving forward, for all the work I'm putting in.  Feeling like I'm not getting anywhere and virtually standing still in my life.  I also noticed I felt very alone in this sea of cars, which seemed similar to what was happening in my life that day. Feeling like God had left me all alone.

Ahhh, another long sigh.  I turned up the radio to push away the negative thoughts and feelings that were mounting in my mind.  Those familiar feelings of feeling like I am treading water all alone and that I am completely failing at all I am trying to accomplish.  I reached for the dial on the radio again, as it just wasn't loud enough to drown out the negaitve inner monologue and lonely feeling I had building.  

I sat there completely immobile letting myself be carried away by the song on the radio.  It was a great song by Britt Nicole, called "All this time". (Song included at the end of this blog.) I had never really listened to the words before, but today the words hit me in a particularly different way.  Her song is about how God has been there all of her life and that she has never been alone.  That He has always been right beside her.  In the joys and the pains of life. Her whole life.  

I looked up at the rear view mirror and adjusted it.  The road behind me was so long.  The infinite line of cars glittered in the mirage of watery heat from the pavement.  In fact, the road behind me went on and on and on.   

My mind returned to Britt Nicole's melodic voice on the car radio..."You were always there.  It was just You and I. You've been walking with me all this time...." 

Sitting there looking at the path behind me and listening to the prophetic words of the song, triggered a shift in my attitude. 

So much of our lives we are told to always look at the road ahead of us and not look back.  Though, when we are stuck, in a holding pattern, or feeling like we are getting no where in life, maybe that is when we need to stop looking ahead. Maybe that is when we need to look at how far we have come and that we were never alone in our journey.  Looking behind at the long road, it struck me how far I have come in my life.  All that I have overcome and accomplished.  Britt Nicole's song hit's close to home for me, as I can remember being "that" girl who had "that day" in her bedroom with no one to turn to trying to be strong.  He was there that day and everyday since.  I could see it all...as I looked behind me.

Sitting in the middle of traffic on an idle weekday in Phoenix, I let the words of a song soak into my heart and permeate it in the deepest fashion.  I thought over all that I was currently dealing with and it was nothing compared to all that I have come through. Each past difficulty and each amazing joy I have had, He was there.  No one else may have been present, but He was there.  Even in the days when I refused to come to Him.  He was there. Look at how long and beautiful the path is behind me!  I was never alone.

Such deep thoughts for a random moment in the car while sitting in traffic.  Right?  But this is exactly what I try to write about...Artful Living.  In our most common of moments, He is there with us and speaking to us. If we can just open ourselves up and listen closely, He is speaking to us in the ways that reach us.  

Eventually, the cars in front of me started to move and I was moving forward, but with a renewed appreciation and a more positive outlook.  Even when I think I'm alone and getting no where, I have only to look at the long well accomplished path behind me and see and that I have come through so much...and He was there at every turn.  

That is Artful Living!

THANK YOU!

A big "thank you" to my amazing creative sister, Alyssa Finney Chew, for taking the above photo of the path for my story!  You rock!  Check out her photography at Lifeology Photography. 

This week:

Take some time this week and see if you are able to see the extraordinary in the ordinary.  What lessons are the small moments of life trying to teach you?  Try listening for God's direction in the common moments of life. 

"God will show me the path of life." (Psalm 16:11)

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." (Psalm 119:105)

"I trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.  In all my ways I acknowledge Him and He directs my paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

(Thought you might enjoy hearing Britt Nicole's song, "All this time". Lyrics are below.)

Britt Nicole - "All This Time" Lyrics

I remember the moment

I remember the pain

I was only a girl

But I grew up that day

Tears were falling

I know You saw me

Hiding there in my bedroom

So alone

I was doing my best

Trying to be strong

No one to turn to

That's when I met You

All this time

From the first tear cry

To today's sunrise

And every single moment between

You were there

You were always there

It was You and I

You've been walking with me all this time

Ever since that day

it's been clear to me

That no matter what comes

You will never leave

I know You're for me

And You're restoring

Every heartache and failure

Every broken dream

You're the God who sees

The God who rescued me

This is my story

This is my story

All this time

From the first tear cry

To today's sunrise

And every single moment between

You were there

You were always there

It was You and I

You've been walking with me all this time.

I hear these people asking me

How do I know what I believe?

Well I'm not the same me

And that's all the proof I need

I felt Love I felt Your grace

You stole me heart that day

The True Beauty Within

I can just picture him.  Dusty, thin,... the orginal "starving artist".  Looking harried, pensive, and a bit wild eyed as he walked through the marble mines of Carrara, Italy.  His hands caressing the ancient hardened earth. His eyes moving over the surface looking for the purest block of stone.  No veining.  It had to be unblemished and smooth, so as to represent the skin of the Holy beings he wished to release.  I imagine him mumbling in prayer to God.  Asking HIM to direct his eyes and hands to the "one".  The block of marble that held within it, a masterpiece that God, himself, desired of this sculptor to release.  The moment must have been exquisite when he found "it".  The "one".  The true form in that block of earth, the Lord of Heaven masterfully asked of Michelanglo to release.   I have read of the massive pully systems that were built to bring these giants of stone down from the mountain.  The men that strained under the weight of God's will, that worked through a dirty stubborn man.  Michelangelo would often build a shed around the rock, to conceal his work.  Every time he committed himself, body and soul, to the "taking away" of the excess, to release the beauty within.  He was known for praying over his task, asking God to direct his hands to release HIS truest form that had always been within the block of earth.  It had only to be released by the guidance and love of a masterful God through the hands of a skilled sculpture.  Many times, after months of eating only stale bread and barely bathing, Michelangelo would remove the walls of the temporary veiling structure.  The sculpture that his God had known was always there was revealed.  The true "beauty" that God had created for this unlikely piece of earth.  The "excess" had been chiseled away and the true identity born for all to see.    

Michelangelo, preferred sculpting marble to any other form of art.  He did paint beautifully, but is quoted in letters to his father that he preferred the marble to any other form of art, because of this "taking away" of the excess to reveal the "true identity" God had created.  A deeply religious and obviously spiritual man, he felt God guided his skillful hands and eyes in the inward searching of every sculpture.

Many of us go through life not being our true selves.  I've been there.  It was exhausting living up to others expectations, or my own unrealistic expectations, and trying to be something I was not.  I lived cloaked in fear and doubt.  When I decided that the facade was too much to keep, the taking away of the excess was akin to breaking apart.  My chiseling journey is still not complete, but far enough along that the truer figure is emerging. The process that Michelangelo used to carve marble is amazingly similar to the process of excavating the true self and knowing ourselves as God sees us.  If you are someone who is exhausted and desires to free your authentic self, here are a few questions to get you started.   

Are you currently living in your true identity?  Your true beauty? Who God created you to be?

What "excess" have you acquired in your life? 

What do you need to chisel away and break down to find the truest form of yourself?

What have you put around your true self?  What form does your cloaking come in?  The form of fear? Anger? Sadness? Denial? Others Expectations? Your High Expectations? Protection? Your past history?

Can you visualize yourself without this/these? 

What would you look like if Michelangelo chiseled away the heavy  facade? 

This week:
Try a visualization exercise, wherein you try to see the "excess" falling away, and see your authentic self emerging.  Once you see it, what do you look like?  Act like?  Can you remember a time when the facade was not in place?  When you were your authentic self?  What action steps can you take towards excavating your true beauty and living it out loud?  Repeat the visualization as often as you need.  This exercise is great inspiration for yourself!

"Our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace." - Psalm 144:12

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God?  Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."- Galatians 1:10

"You are a light of the world like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see.  Don't hide your light under a basket!  Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all." - Matthew 5:14-15

"For we are God's masterpiece, He created us anew in Christ Jesus so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."- Ephesians 2:10

Is God my personal chef?

I stood at the island in my kitchen in front of a line up of plates, realizing I was probably making my million and 71st peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and my billionth bowl of Campbell's Lightening McQueen's chicken and noodle soup.  When had I become a "chef"?  (By the way, that term is used loosely in this particular example.)

My next thought was a bit nasty.  "I did NOT go to college to become a cook."  My mind traveled back in time and I quickly ran through the six years I spent in college, just to make sure.  I thought of my numerous presentations of thought provoking and cutting edge designs for the "crits" in design school.  The inspiring discussions late at night with my fellow studio mates on our design theories.  (Sigh).  Yes.  I thought so.  I definitely had not gone to college to become a "short order cook".  Whew!

See, here's the deal. My daughter only wants peanut butter, my son wants soup, my husband wants something tasty and healthy, and I just want to skip dinner and go straight to dessert!  Some days I feel like between all of the taste preferences, I could be standing in that kitchen non-stop!

I can't always prepare what they want because it is not always what is best for them. 

I need to make sure they are getting healthy food, and that I am not spending my life in the kitchen being a "short order cook" and becoming a burnt out wife and mom.  Now, with all of the thoughtful catering and tailoring, of snacks and meals, and careful consideration for the health of my family, invariably, one of them walks past what I have prepared for them and complains, "I never get what I want!" (or) "You never care about what I want!"  This day was no exception.  I personally was trying quite hard to keep the anger and lack of appreciation in my heart from building to a level where this mama got "snappy" with her dearhearts.  I stood there grumbling under my breath sentences like, "I did not go to college all those years to be your personal chef!" Or, "This family just doesn't appreciate what I do for them!"  (Yes, this is the nasty me.)

Then it hit me...I wonder if this is how I treat God?

Am I running from what has been prepared for me?  Complaining, "I never get what I want!" And, "You never care about what I want!"

First my thoughts went to how must God feel when I treat him this way?  I know he stills loves me, just as I still love my own children, even when they are ungrateful and turn from what I have prepared.  He comes to me over and over with HIS perfectly prepared moments of life and I can only reject, complain, or accept HIS offerings begrudgingly.  I think how much it hurts me when my family does this to me, and yet I do this many times to my Heavenly Father.

Why do I think I know what is best for me?

Just like my children, I know only what I want to eat for that moment.  Or what my tastebuds are craving...in the moment.  I am not thinking about the bigger picture or down the road.  I can only see here and now.  Just as my children have to trust that I know what is best for their meals, I too must trust God in his choices and timing in my life.  Just as my children think they know better than I, what is the best meal for dinner; I do the same with God in life choices and the time table of life events.  So I guess, the next time a prayer is still not being answered or something happens in my day that does not fit my schedule or is in my plan, I need to remember to humble myself and thank my Father, who loves me unconditionally, for His perfectly prepared buffet called "my life".

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." - 2 Corinthians 4:18

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:8-9   

Waiting

'Was I waiting on Him or was He waiting on me?'  This was one of the myriad of thoughts I was having as I stood on top of a telephone pole that had a top the diameter of 10"!!  I was taking part in the Leap of Faith exercise at a women's retreat.  My next thought was a curse word.  Literally!  Some one later told me that I said it out loud...I thought I had said it in my head!!!!  Hmmmm, saying a curse word at a Christian's Women's Retreat...well, there is raw and authentic for ya!

So, my next  thought was, 'How did I get here standing on top of a very tall pole in Prescott, Arizona?'  I was getting ready to jump off and out to a bar about 10 feet in front of me with the scenery of Northern Arizona outstretched before me.  'Hu?'  Everything looked peaceful.  The breeze through the pine trees, the rolling hills, the bird fly...ing...past...my...head?  'Hm.'  But I was not so peaceful inside.

I started trying to visualize.  This was in an effort to stop the emotions running rampant in my head.  I tried to imagine the 10" circle I was standing on as a whole floor outstretched around me. Inner monologue: 'Imagining....imagining...uh...not gonna work.  This is a Christian Retreat, I'll just imagine ethereal music playing with God and his flowing robes, arms outstretched....yeah, that's a bit of a stretch.  Ok, let's try practical.  I'm harnessed and hooked up to a cable that will catch me.  It's all good!  It's .... ALL...good.'

The man below who held my rope yelled, "Ok, I'm gonna start counting."  I think I may have yelled out a sassy comment about having waited 1 1/2 hours from the last group that did the Leap of Faith.  I was last in line to do this from an earlier group in the day, and they shut the exercise down right before my turn...leaving me to wait through the employees lunch and break until I could try it again.  So, I said I would count myself down.  "Ooooonnnneeee.  Twwwwooooo."  I squatted for my jump.  Swang my arms back...and....yeah... those feet weren't goin' anywhere!!

Inner monologue: 'Ok.  Gut check time!  I know why this is difficult for me!  If I don't jump, I will feel horrible about myself and will not have chipped away at this core issue this exercise is bringing up for me.  TRUST.  That's it.  I have to jump.  I have to trust.  I have to let go of the distrust I have been holding onto like a precious treasure.  That's right, Girlie!  A precious treasure!  I have to choose...to have faith in the distrust or the trust?  I need to let go of the baggage of distrust! It's time. This jump is a moment for me to get back a piece of trust that had been taken away as a young girl.  Ok, Big Guy, this exercise is a huge metaphor playing out for what is happening everyday in my life.  I see where you are going with this, God.  Point taken.' (Sigh.) Inner monologue quiet.

Earlier in the day, before getting up on that pole, I waited 1 1/2 hours for the exercise to reopen.  Enough time to really think about the whole thing, and get really nervous.  In that time I thought to myself, 'Yo!?  Big Guy!?  Why you always makin' me wait?  My whole life has been a waiting game.  Really Dude!'  (Don't you love how I capitalize all my names for God?)  I realized that I was so nervous that I was not sure if being around my female friends was the best idea.  I mean after all, it was between God and I, wasn't it?  I could do it on my own!  Ok, I didn't need them around to witness that!  I'd just walk up there and do it!' So I had started to walk towards the Leap of Faith pole.  And theeeeen....I had started to walk back towards the cabin!  I texted some friends that were still at lunch,  "I think I may need some encouragement for this."  They texted back, "On our way!"  The next thing I knew I was telling my friends a multitude of emotions.  I had realized this exercise was a living metaphor for what I have trouble with...trusting.  I was being presented a moment to challenge me, as an opportunity to grow and learn. I felt honored and fortunate.   I so realized the significance and enormity of the moment for myself that I was overwhelmed with emotion.  I couldn't hold back the tears any longer.  I came apart.  (Good grief.)  The exercise was another layer in my healing from childhood sexual abuse.  I have come so far, and every once in awhile, I take another layer off that has been hindering me in my healing process.  Can you believe jumping off a pole was another layer?  I don't really remember much of what I said to my friends, while crying, only that I had diarrhea of the mouth with my feelings at that moment.  I just remember saying, "I'm gonna do this.  But I'm gonna do this messy."  This was a big thing for me.  I needed to let the emotions flow and honor the moment for myself.  I had earned it and I was going to reclaim a piece of something that had been stolen from me.  I needed to let myself cry all the way up the pole.  On the pole and after the pole.

And so I did.  I cried and cried and cried.  I really did feel quite a bit better after I let the tears flow and absorb the moment.  And as I stood on top of that pole having cussed, absorbed the scenery, visualized, put practical thinking to use, ...a new thought entered my mind, 'I really want to get off this pole.  And the only way off... is to jump.'  I remembered in my 1 1/2 hours of waiting, I prayed to God and told Him I understood that he wanted me to turn to Him and NOT do this alone.  He wanted me to reach out to Him.  He wanted me to come to Him and let go of my distrust and embrace the trust that He offers.  I realized my friends being there was making me feel better.  Their words of encouragement from below were helping.  (Ok, an 'ah ha' moment ...riiiiight...abooouuuut...here!)  So, I guess my lesson was that I try to do too much on my own and don't ask for encouragement and support enough in my life.  Sometimes I need help.  God wanted me to know that he is there to help and that my friends are still there too.  He was showing me I need to work on trusting and letting those that love me, in more often.

I felt the warmth of the sun on my back like a reassuring hand.  For me, when I visualize the essence of God in me, I visualize a light.  So knowing the sun was to my back, let me know He was there, and the heat of the sun was the transference of His strength to me.  At that moment I knew everything was going to be ok.  Not only was I going to be ok in jumping, but I would be ok in other areas of my life.  I just needed to trust the plan and purpose for my life and trust that He would always be there.  I needed to let friends and other loved one's in more often and open myself up to trust , no matter what.  (I always pray for "neon signs" from God, and I think the Leap of Faith counted as that.)

I didn't want the guy below to count, even though he had offered twice.  I had tried to count on my own and that didn't work.  So I said out loud, "I'm ready." I knew I needed someone else to count and motioned for my friends to start the countdown.  The sound of their voices would feel so supportive.  So, I had God,...and I had my friends.  And I knew it in my heart and soul.  I was ready.  "ONE.  TWO.  THREE!" 

I jumped.

I didn't catch the bar, but it was the jump that mattered most to me.  I was lowered down and my friends hugged me.  I realized that He had not made me wait, but that He had been waiting for me.  I chose to be last in line in the earlier group.  I chose to take awhile on that pole.  I had been choosing to just trust Him with my head and not my heart and soul.  I had been only dipping my toe into the waters of friendship and not truly diving all the way in.  I had not been surrendering to trust.

One of my friends brought my phone over to me to show me the pictures she had taken of me and said, "Erin, you have to see this photo."  This was the photo she took of me before I jumped.  I was overcome.

There is the sun, the reassuring warmth at my back. Wow!  I even got confirmation and a bonus awesome souvenir photo out of the deal!!

I write alot about making choices and attitude changes in the moment. The good news about making choices is that we are 'co-creators' in our lives, alongside the Big Artist in the sky Himself. We choose what our life looks and feels like throughout many moments on a daily basis. Sometimes these moments can be profound and even soul changing.  What is even more awe inspiring is when there is something bigger than ourselves at work. When everything lines up in a pin point moment in the universe and we have our 'Ah Ha!' moment; on every level I know of, that is Artful Living!

To my KC Ladies: Thank you for your encouraging words, hugs, and the final countdown.  I'm so glad I got to share such a special moment with you.  Thank you for the opportunity...it was life changing!

Many hands make light work

So,  I was reading an article in a magazine awhile back about a group of 6 friends that rotated helping between each other's creative decorative home projects.  As a former Interior Designer and a current Life Coach this doubly peaked my interest.  I loved that they were pitching in their creative talents and skills and then supporting one another and connecting.  Here is what they would do: One person in the group would have a project that they needed to complete or finish.  They would then buy and organize all supplies for the project and provide food and drinks for everyone helping.  The friends were invited over, each assigned a task and the project was finished in a day or weekend.  They then would rotate to the next person in the group, a month or 2 months later, that wanted their household project done.  The the same thing was done for that person.  This is such a great concept!  I mean as women in the season of raising children, these types of things on our "to do" list sit on that list for years!  We think, "How can I get this done all by myself?"  There is always the kid room to repaint and organize, dining room chairs to recover, baby's room to prepare, kitchen to clean out and organize, and garage sale to orchestrate.  This idea would be great for any and all of those, and could be utilized for any similar scenario.  More than anything, I love that they took work and looked for a way to make it easier on themselves individually and then also ended up making it fun and connective.  I am sure there was alot of laughing, talking, and bonding in friendships.  This is definitely the "Many hands make light work" approach in action.  These ladies took something that was potentially draining work and transformed it into efficient, fun, and connective time with their friends.  That is Artful Living!

Questions to ask yourself:
- What in your life is draining you and could be transformed into being easy, fun, and/or connective? How could the negative be turned into a positive?
- Is there something in your life that you are needing to ask for help on?  Is it hard for you to ask for help?  What could move you past the hangups for asking for help?  What action steps could be taken to move you to ask for help?
- What are the new possibilities on an old issue in your life?  Do you need an attitude shift on an old issue?
- Could the "many hands make light work" approach be utilized somewhere in your life?  Where?  What could that look like?  What are the steps necessary to move forward with putting it into action?