Stones of Remembrance

    

   

     I was inspired one Sunday by our small group leader and our group discussion about our stories.  Towards the end of our class our leader played a song by Big Daddy Weave called "My Story". Then he challenged us to share our stories and to think about the main words used in the song. As we talked in our group, telling others our story is alot like in Joshua 4:1-24 when the stones of remembrance were stacked after crossing the Jordan, so that when future generations asked, "What are these stones here for?" The parents could tell their children the story of what God had done in making a way to cross the turbulent waters to freedom.  What a beautiful way to pass on what God can do in our lives.


    It leads me to remember how my family has a "stack of stones" on our old family farm in Indiana.  In reality, it is an old fireplace that still stands and is the monument to my ancestors who gathered around it's warm in the old cabin that used to stand around it.  The old rubble of rocks used to prompt me to question my father to tell me about our family members that stacked those stones and cooked meals within it's hearth.  I learned much about the family I come from in my father's stories.  My Irish heritage of pioneers who had homesteading the land and all the family that had lived and worked the land since.  He would describe each of their personalities, trials, joys, and what eventually happened to every family member and then would leave room at the end of each of his orations for my own part in that story.


     Just as I used to ask my earthly father to tell me the story of our family, I now as a grown woman am asking my Heavenly Father to tell me the story of our family and what story he wants me to write with him now.  So many times I can only see my own way of telling my story and my family's story, based on my current circumstance.  I am at a point as a grown woman, that I surrendering my stones (my story) to my Father's version.  So I am sitting with the following questions to maybe get a glimpse of where God is leading me and how he wants, like in Joshua 4:1-24, to part the turbulent waters and for me to walk to the other side...to freedom. 


-What stones does he want me/you to pick up from the river? 
-What stones is he handing me/you to stack on the other side, that will be our "stones of remembrance"? 
-What story does he want to write WITH us? 
-Are we ready to surrender our story to him and co-create this life WITH him?
-What legacy of God's hope, love, life, victory, freedom, kindness, grace, justice, and mercy can we leave our children and others?

To see the HOPE, LOVE, LIFE, VICTORY, FREEDOM, KINDNESS, GRACE, JUSTICE, MERCY in our current situation.....that is OUR STORY, that is OUR SONG, our stones of remembrance that we can leave for our children and others.

 

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” – 2 Corinthians 5:1, NIV

            I’ve had some recent failures and setbacks in what I thought were my particular callings and who I thought I was made to be.  In digging in and trying to understand, God led me to verses that paint a picture of how he will sometimes “prune (branches of the tree) so that it will be even more fruitful” (John 15:1-8, NIV); the tree being God and the branches us, Christians.  I can attest that there has been some major “pruning" taking place in my life this last year.  And with all of that pruning, I’m left wondering if I have actually not fully stepped into what God had called me to become in His name.  Maybe all of this pruning has been about revealing all he wants me to step into…my new name.

            We see many times in the Bible that God renamed people when they began following him.  These names were often powerful and empowering new names that indicated what the person would become in Christ.  They were names that encouraged each person of the Lord’s promises and purposes. 

 

            Have you ever wondered what your new name is that you were given at the time you accepted Christ?  At the time we accept Jesus, we are made new in Him.  What is the new name we each step into?  Does this name reveal what you will become in Him?  Some of you may have had a name, word, scripture, or thought come to mind.  I know I did when I had a professor in seminary first bring this idea up.  I knew exactly the word/name God gave me six years ago and then realized that I have not fully claimed nor stepped into that name.  It’s time!  It’s time for all of us in Christ to fully claim and step into what He has given.  It’s time to share what He wants to do through YOU and ME.  

If you haven’t accepted God into your life…I wonder what your new name would be in Him?

"It's a soft day." - Renaming Our Circumstances with God's Words

“Ta’ se’ in aghaidh an lae cumhachtach!!”

(Gaelic for, “It’s a powerful day!!!”)

“Ta’ se’ in aghaidh an lae bog.”

(Gaelic for, “It’s a soft day.”)

      When I was in Ireland this summer…they called sunny days “powerful days”!!!  Rainy days were called “saft days”!!!  (Or “soft days”.)  I fell in love with the ever-sunny perspective of the Irish.  (Insert romantic sigh here.)  Since they have so many wet and gray days, they invented a new name or outlook for a rainy day.  This is to show that no matter the circumstances of the day, their outlook would remain undaunted and joy filled.  A local Irishman explained to me that many times when it is dreary and drizzly, it can feel like you can’t plan or begin anything.  One may feel compelled to wait until the conditions improve to go out and enjoy life. This could go on for days and days there. If they decided to wait for more perfect weather, it could be a “verra” long time waiting!  Since they can’t change the weather, they change their minds by renaming those moments, to embrace the gentleness, slowing, and even the romance of  rainy days.  Living right where they are; fully.   

     I live in Phoenix, AZ where it is sunny most of the year.  So while I do not experience Ireland’s particular weather issues, there are still days or seasons in my life that it is raining and storming in my corner of the world.  Can you relate?  When we are experiencing less than desirable circumstances in our lives, we have a choice to make.  We must ask ourselves if we are going to look at the day and call it a “wet, dreary, miserable, rainy day’?  OR adopt the attitude of the Irish, and rename the day a “soft day” and embrace all we can in our circumstances…finding the JOY right where we are…living FULLY in the middle of the showers of our life. 

     Words are powerful and God offers us an entire book full of words to renew our mind. Words to write on our hearts.  Words to speak out loud against Satan.  What circumstances are “raining” down on you?  What could you rename moments or days like these?  

Is there a scripture that could help you rename the day? 

One you could tuck into your heart?  

Or a verse to speak out loud against the devil himself? 

Maybe a verse you could frame and put up in your home or office?  

Thoughts to encourage:

‘Happiness depends on the “happenings in our lives;” joy depends on our perspective.’

Verses to encourage finding joy:

James 1:2-4, 1 Peter 1:6-9, John 15:11, 2 Corinthians 8:2-3, 1 Thessalonians 1:6, Hebrews 12:2,

Verses to encourage finding a new perspective for our thought life:

Romans 12:2, Philippians 4:8, 2 Corinthians 4:16, Psalm 119:11, Ephesians 4:23, 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, Colossians 3:2, Jeremiah 29:11

Slowing Down



"I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry." - Psalm 40:1 (NIV)

I was soooo hungry.  My frustration grew as I peeled the shell off the boiled egg. It was not coming off cleanly and I watched as extra bits of very well deserved egg white came off with each piece of shell that fell as "waste" into the sink.  Nooo!  My tummy rumbled, dictating the timeline of when this egg should be made available to my mouth. My emotions were being heavily guided by my body. Starting back on a healthier eating/exercise plan, left me with an attitude of making every single morsel of food count!  I needed to eat!  And now!  I frantically peeled faster.  Yet the faster I went, the more I was taking off what my growling stomach yearned for in that moment.


 I stopped...calmed... and told myself..."Go slower and you will have more nourishment."  So I made the choice to put aside the hunger pains.  I would not allow them to force my pace to quicken. Slowly, ever so slowly, I easily and patiently peeled the remaining egg to reveal a smooth exterior with ALL the egg white intact.  Eureka!  Ahhhh.

So many times in life, like my incident with the boiled egg, I try to uncover what God wants to do in my life too fast.  I try to do it by my own power, timeline, and the way I see best.  When I try to peel hurriedly through the process of learning and hearing from Him, I miss big chunks of what He is communicating.  They are important lessons He's teaching.  I find when I slow down, surrender, still, and calmly go through the process with Him...I hear, see, and find more of what He wants to reveal.

THAT is Artful Living with our Great Artist!

A Gentle Challenge:  
Do you need to make a choice to slow down?  
Do you need to put "your way" aside?  
What more might you hear from God, if you made a "choice" to still your thoughts, surrender your timeline, and "your way"?

Waiting

The verse jumped off the page and was a lifeline that day.....

"Be still and know that I am God." - Psalm 46:10

So I stilled.  And in the stillness I shut out the world.  And for weeks I sat only with Him, in prayer, in His word, and in random moments of the day.  It wasn't pretty.  I unleashed my anger at Him and pleaded for a different way (my way) and answers...He can take it after all.  I eventually wore myself out, like a small child after a sobbing-tantrum session has come to an end.  I became so calm, sitting there in my corner. 

"Why God?  Why do you have me waiting on so much right now?"

My daughter be confident that what I have started, I will see to completion. (Phillipians 1:6)  My understanding of waiting is not the same as your own.  Waiting is not just to be in hopeful expectation.  To be "waiting" with Me, is to shut out the world, focusing on me, and engaged in the tension filled conversations we have together in that time. Waiting is where the work of binding you up with me like strands together in a cord,... intertwining with you,... strengthens you,...in me.  (Ecclesiastes 4:12 and Isaiah 40:31)  This is the connecting lifeline I throw out to you in the struggles of life.

"Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength..." - Isaiah 40:31

A Gentle Challenge:
Are you in a waiting mode with God?  Tell Him how you feel.  Open up to Him.  Pray. Journal. Scream. Cry.  He gives you permission.  Do the work of the "waiting".  After all, this is where He strengthens you and you become stronger together in your relationship with Him.

The Extraordinary Making Of An Ordinary Trash-to-Treasure Wall Vase

 

 

I stood in the hardware store asking the lady who worked there.... where I could find....

The Invisible. 

The seemingly overlooked.

The common bolt, nut, washer and electrical clamp.  I was looking for the "overlooked".  I had to find them. I was pursuing them in that hardware store.  Sought after and looking....calling out,
"Where are you?" 
I had a purpose for them....

to be seen.

____________________

 

I stood over the sink scrubbing the sticky grime from the labels off two old wine bottles.  Their contents used up and their empty bodies that had only earlier been set far far to the side on the counter.

Throw-aways.  The rejected.  The trash.  The outcast.

No value. 
No worth. 
Not needed.

The remnants of their former lives now stripped away.  After some cleaning, they were revealing shiny qualities, simple elegance in their lines and subtle tints of greens and blues.  They sparkled in the sunlight coming in the window over the sink. 

I saw beauty and great worth. 

________________

My husband told me of a hauling trailer at work that had an "old" wooden bottom that needed replacing.
The wood's luster and sheen gone.
It's sturdiness questioned.
Yet... he saw something in this "old". 

A rare quality...character. 
Story.

He salvaged the wood pieces and tucked them safely into a corner of our garage.
Their stories begged to be heard once again. 
To be of use... again.

I grabbed two like pieces from the top of the pile. 
I spoke to the pieces in my hands, "You will have an ... again".

__________________

I was making something.  It had been too long for this creative expresser.  So long I itched to see the vision in my mind take form.  Somehow I needed...needed...needed to see these objects transformed.  An earthly reminder of HIS renewing.  His love.  I was feeling lost and separated from Him. 

"Where are you Lord?  I need to see your promises."

The deep meaning of this simple design project was His way of reaching out to my aching heart in this holiday season of the year. 
This season of mid-womanhood.  
This season of healing the next layer for the little girl within. 
I needed to SEE His love with my eyes in a living metaphor of art and design.

This, after all, is how we meet one another.  This is how He pursues me.  In the art.   

After working awhile, the pursuing was done.  My wall vase was finally finished...and the transformation of each of it's once forgotten despairing parts....complete. 

I hung it on my wall for ALL to see.  A testament to what His Grace can do. 
I stood back and eyed the work...His work. 
The message he had just given me in this creative project, this everyday art, was a deep and profound reminder that....

 

In the Artist's hands, dear ones,....

the invisible are Pursued and Seen.

The rejected are Adopted, Renewed and shown their Beauty and Worth.

The old are told they are Needed and Respected, their Stories important for Teaching.

 

All of the "seemingly" invisible, rejected and old are Loved and Purposed by Him...for Him.

 

___________________________________________________________________

What individual part of the wall vase did you relate to?  The hardware?  The wine bottles?  The old wood?  All of them?  Can you find a moment in this busy holiday season to look and listen for HIS pursuing of you?  How does He pursue you?  Do you feel far away from God in this season of to-do lists and go, go, go?  How can you draw closer to Him?  Is there a way for you to have a reminder in front of you, of His promise of Love?

*Want to know how to make this trash-to-treasure Wall Vase?  Check out the Trash-To-Treasure Projects Page.* 

It Is Forever Written

I wrote a poem yesterday.  Not my usual choice of writing style.  But the words were flowing, so I went with it.  My heart poured.  God always meets me on the page (or computer screen).  It was an intimate and beautiful moment He and I.  A moment for me to be thankful and praise Him.  Sacred, deep and part of how I worship Him.  My love to my Lord and our story....forever written.

Though, as I finished writing ...my computer flickered and a window appeared to ask me if I wanted to save my document and before I could respond...it flickered again and started shutting down.  It does this periodically to reconfigure things.  It always kicks back on and brings all windows and documents back up that had originally been on my screen.  I hoped that all would be there when it came back on.  Everything came back except the ONE document.  The one with my poem of praise and thanksgiving.  OF COURSE!  Right? 

I just sat there.  Dumbfounded.  Now what?  How can I write that all over again? Can I even remember it?  Is it now forever UNwritten?  Gone? 

Then I thought, how ironic that the very poem my computer erased, talked of how I used to be silenced and how when I accepted Christ, He had given me a voice.  It spoke of what He had done for me, in me and through me.  It spoke of His Grace and Love.  It spoke of the call He put within me for writing and speaking.  All now gone from my computer.

The praise music thumping in my ear buds, penetrated the moment....the words of the song encouraged me.

I was reminded of a verse that speaks of how God never takes away what he has already freely given.  This beautiful relationship that God and I have and our story can never be erased.  It is forever written. This story of God and I will always be within me, no matter how many times Satan tries to shut it down.  I felt a nudge to try again.

I opened up a new document.  Closed my eyes and saw in my mind's eye the first line of the poem I had originally written.  My fingers moved.  I typed and typed.  The words of the poem gradually appeared on the screen.  It flowed from the same place from which it had before.   And once again, it was in it's finished form.

I realized as I looked at the screen that the poem was exactly word for word as it had been before.  I saw in a simple everyday living moment that that which has been given can never be taken or erased.  My story is forever written.  The story of what God has done for me and how he shines through me, can never be darkened.  His love and grace are never to be undone. 

"For God's gifts and His call are irrevocable. (He never withdraws them when once they are given, and He does not change His mind about those to whom He gives His grace or to whom He sends His call.)" - Romans 11:29 AMP   

It is forever written.

Friends, if you are a new Christian or new returning Christian, I want you to know that what has been given to you can not be taken away.  What ever God has done in your life since you accepted Him, it is for all time.  He will never remove his love or grace for you.  He doesn't suddenly think one day, "You know, she/he just isn't acting the way I would like.  I just won't love her/him anymore."  This new walk you are on may have some challenging moments, but be encouraged that you will always he HIS chosen son or daughter.  He will never stop loving you.  And that when ever Satan tries to put out God's light in you, he will not succeed.  Your story is forever written.

I included the poem I was working on below.  Make sure you read the VERY last line.  It was not in the original poem.   It is definitely the cherry on top.  I love how my God used Satan's computer shut down and erasing of my document for the beautiful reminder in this post.

A Chosen Daughter

My little girl heart was orphaned.
Father of Father's you adopted me.
If adoption means to be chosen,
then I am Your "Chosen" Daughter.
My name written long ago.
My life upon your lips.
You breathed life in me twice.
Once at first light.
The other, as I slumped weeping 
at the foot of your sacrifice.
I cried for purpose of 
the scattered pieces beneath my knees.
You promised.

You took my once silenced heart and whispers
and brought the words into the light
and gave volume to a voice once unheard.
You took my hand and pulled me up
and told me of my worth and your great love for me.
YOU TOLD ME WHO I AM.

You en-dwelled a spirit in this brokenness.
The beautiful began to tether the shattered ugly together.
Your LIGHT shining through, using my beautiful mess
as a beacon .... to...You.

It is forever written.

Being A "Newbie Christian" Alongside Our Children



It's exciting when we are a new or returning Christian and there is a desire in our heart to learn more about God, what is in the Bible and to start a prayer life.  But it can feel daunting looking at that big intimidating book!  I mean we want to learn, and find encouragement and comfort, but the Bible is full of big words and sentence structure that is NOT from our modern times!  We want to start a prayer life, but what does that look like?  Where do we begin?  And as if we didn't feel overwhelmed enough, we would love for our children to start learning and praying as well, but how can we help our children when we are learning alongside them?

I found it was easiest to start very small and simple.  It was best to be patient and gentle with myself on my own process and know that it is going to take time.  And that it is MORE about the "journey" than an end arrival or place.

That's why I love this idea of the Prayer Pail below. It's a decorated tin can or bucket that is filled with craft sticks with scripture glued to each one.  AND/ OR has topics, issues or people to pray for written on each stick.  Sit it on the kitchen table and pull one out each time you sit down to dinner (or lunch or breakfast).  Read it or have your "emerging reader" read the scripture, words or names.  Take a moment to talk about what is on the stick and/or say a quick prayer.



As you are gathering scripture for the sticks feel NO SHAME in using the Table of Contents and Concordance (in the back of the Bible) to help you find scripture.  Never feel embarrassed in Googling scripture on a particular topic either. 

Take this month of November and find scripture on thankfulness and gratitude.  Write the ones that speak to you or jump out at you.  Write a week's worth down on the craft sticks and put in your Prayer Pail.  Write names of people, issues or topics of interest that you would like to take time to pray over. Pull one out each evening at the dinner table (or any meal).  Don't worry about repeats!  Start small.

As far as praying.  I know this can be awkward at first.  When I started, my children were my only audience.  They were the most nonjudgmental group.  Yay!  So any way that I did pray was okay with them.  Kind of like when they ask us to sing a song to them?  They don't care how well we sing, just that we do.  If it's still too hard, let your children pray.  If that is still too far too fast, have a quiet moment with your thoughts or wait until you are ready.  It's okay if it takes time, God is there.  He knows the desires of your heart and He is not pushing you:-) 

Friends, be patient and gentle with yourselves in this process.  And know it is ok to be in the same starting place as our children.  (It may actually be a more forgiving process than for those who are just coming to Christ without young children.)  For many this "Christian thing" is brand new and for others there are old wounds to heal from former faith communities.  There is not a right or wrong way and there is no time limit.  Worry not where someone else is in their journey or if anyone tells you where they think you should be as a new Christian.  God already has your process and your children's journeys planned.  His perfect timing is your soul's peace. 
 

"God Never Gives Us More Than We Can Handle." - WHAT?????

 

 

I found this quote this morning and was instantly encouraged.  The number of times I have gone through some of the most difficult situations of my life, I have had well meaning family and friends use the following sentence as a hope filled statement,

 

"God never gives us more than we can handle."

 

 

Ug!!!  I never heard it more than when my husband's best friend died and then two weeks later I miscarried our second child.  We were at such an all time low.  The loving people in our lives used this phrase to uplift us.  It did anything but, and became a discussion my husband and I had on a daily basis on how it was the most frustrating and empty phrase we had ever heard.  When this band aid statement was being said to us through this time, it was all before my husband and I had embraced Jesus as our savior.  I now know why that phrase was so disheartening and hollow.

It wasn't Biblically True.  

 

In 1 Corinthians 10:13 it says, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.  God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."

 

And in James 1:13 it says, "Let no one say he is tempted, 'I am being tempted by God.', for God cannot be tempted by evil, and he himself tempts no one."  God is not handing you the evil hardship you are going through, but he will use it to grow us closer to Him.

 

God does not expect you to "handle" this on your own and He will come to you in your weakness of "not being able to handle it" and provide a way out of the darkness.  And in the process you'll become closer in your relationship with our Heavenly Father, by the act of "pressing into Him". 

 

If a well meaning friend or family member uses the all too familiar, "God never gives us more than we can handle," re frame it for yourself into the above quote and know you are not alone.

 

Be encouraged friend! 

 

Challenge Questions:

Is there a well intended statement that keeps rubbing you the wrong way? 

Have you checked with scripture to see if it is True?

If it isn't True, can you find a way to re frame the phrase for yourself?

If it is True, can you identify why you're upset?





"I'm Not Qualified"

 



Paul says, "I came to you in weakness and in fear and with much trembling so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom but on God's power." 1 Corinthians 2

 

Paul says, "I glory in my weaknesses."  "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses that Christ's power may rest on me."  2 Corinthians 12

My palms were sweaty and my heart was racing.  Seriously?!  This wasn't like me.  I'm usually your "git up thar an git'er done girl".  I get up on stage and up in front of people impromptu all the time and never have a problem.  But today was different.  For whatever reason, I felt I was not the best person to do the job and I was feeling emotionally messy on the inside.  My outside circumstance was pushing me to get it together on the inside and fast, as I needed to go on stage in a matter of minutes.  I struggled to gather my thoughts and I finally told myself, "I think I need to quickly grab someone else to do the job because in this moment, I'm not qualified."  And then I said it over and over.  Then it started to morph and repeat in other versions like...

"I can't do this."

"I'm not ready." 

"I'm too emotional and messy to do this right now."

"__________, would be better.  I am not the best person for this."

"I'm too this and not enough of that".

It was silly really, I just needed to go on stage after the speaker was finished and segue into a discussion time for a group of 150 women.  It wasn't like I was giving testimony or a speaking for 45 minutes.  Seriously, it was a segue!  Just a few simple words!  But this day's verbal transition was following a topic near and dear to my heart that tapped into my own past of being a sexual abuse survivor.  And to be quite honest, I felt pretty unglued on the inside after listening to the speaker's statistics and descriptions.  How was I going to get up and follow this difficult subject when I felt messy and personally attached on the inside?  "I'm so not qualified."

I took a moment and stepped outside and took a long deep breath of the cool air and closed my eyes and prayed to God to step in and take over.  And like always, He did and totally carried me through the moment I needed Him most. 

Saying, "I'm not qualified." could be looked at by some as a weak or negative statement.

But it actually opens the door to our Heavenly Father. 

Seriously.  Can't you just see it? 

We say "I'm not qualified." and the door heaves and creaks open.

God is on the other side. 

He says, "Hello Sweetheart!  Thank you for opening the door and letting me in.  All I want is to help you and be here for you.  Now, come here and let me hold you. Crawl up into my arms and I'll carry you through this.  I've got this.  I've got you."

Messy Christian: THIS WAY =>

 



I knew this day was coming.  I had pushed the needle sitting on “e” too far this time.  The purr of my car engine sputtered and finally gave in.  All was quiet.  The car slowed …. I eased us to the shoulder.  I heaved a heavy sigh.  Our morning was going to look a little different.  My phone dinged with texts from people who needed my responses.  I picked it up to quickly respond but a message flashed onto the screen that 10% was left on my cell phone battery. (God's blessing, for 10%).  I sighed putting it back down.  Staring down the road I visually gauged  just how far it really was to walk with two children to the gas station.  (God's blessing, we were close to one.) “We can do this.”  I muttered to myself.  “We can do this.  We can do this.”  I grabbed a random full water bottle (another blessing) in my car, locked it up and left it behind.  The kids and I started walking.  It was farther than I had realized.  The “self beat-up” started about this time.  When had I become too busy to fill my car up with gas?  

My phone was fading fast. Another text dinged in.  I could not use what little battery I had left to respond to those few people.  I got conservative and decisive with my communication and chose only my husband’s text as the one to respond to.  Hoping this would be the most efficient use of my cell battery.  (Blessing,...it was enough charge to send a few texts).

 

How interesting….my car had run out of gas and was sitting on the side of the road.  Empty.  My phone was fading.  Almost empty.  Me, taking a very long quiet walk on the side of the road.  Empty.  I realized I identified with my car and my phone in that moment.  I had been fading like my phone for quite some time, due to my choices with certain endeavors and situations.  And like my car, when you don’t take the time to fill it up with what keeps it running, it stops.  The car must sit and wait until it gets filled up before it runs again.  The phone must take time to recharge. 

 

 Alright GOD, I’m listening.

I realized in the moment that God had put it painfully in my face that I need to fill up and recharge.  That it is necessary to take the time and maybe even money to do that.  That I may have to cut out certain things in my life and put more time into things that fill me up.  And it may even be time to grab onto a new direction.   Or a new perspective on an old idea.  HE also had put me in that moment in a position to only depend on HIM.  The moment was stripped or diminished of the “things” I depended on daily.    

 

We reached the gas station and bought the “last” gas can  (blessing) on their shelves.  Filled it up and began our journey back to the car.  As we walked back, the kids were silent.  They were tired.  The gas can was heavy to carry.  I switched from hand to hand as each arm grew weary.  I was getting grumpier with every step.  I watched as car after car passed us; swerving over in their lane each time to accommodate us.  It wasn’t like they didn’t see us.   I grew angry.  Needless to say, I was so over my current situation (and many other situations in my life).  I was down right weary in spirit.  Not one person had stopped to ask if we needed help.  Like a woman with a “red gas can of shame” in hand and two children is NOT obvious?!  We didn't really need help...but somehow I needed to know someone cared.  I watched as more cars swerved and stared, rubber necking even.  My anger turned to hate.  And when I say hate, I mean the kind of hate that makes you hot and prickly all over.  The kind of HATE that makes you imagine yourself throwing a rock at the windshields of each passing car.  The kind of hate that leads you to fantasize about having a good ole fashioned temper tantrum on the side of the road.  Empty.

God had brought my life to a screeching halt to have a conversation and deal with what was really bothering me. 

I was mad at God.  I didn't feel like he cared or valued me anymore.

I wasn’t mad at Him for my current situation, but rather because of other life endeavors and multiple situations.  My current circumstance was more of a great living metaphor for where I had been in my heart for some time. I felt rejected by Him.  I felt of no worth to Him.  That He had taken back what he had given me years ago.  I thought of all the projects, works and circumstances I've been involved with over the years and how I had been striving.  Striving hard.  Empty.  I kept trying to prove myself of worth and value through them.  To myself and others.  Constantly. 

On the side of the road lugging a gas can and motivating two whiny kids to keep moving….. I was on empty and I was ready to have it out with God.  My “Fightin’ Irish” came out.   I got really nasty with God at that moment as I watched HIS children pass HIS other children, my kids and I.  “God, you ask me as a Christian to be the hands and feet of Jesus to THEM?!  Why?”  I had no Grace for my fellow man.  Empty.  More hate.  “I have given and given and given and it seems that people just want more and more.  It is never enough.  And my unique gifts?  That YOU gave me?  Don’t even seem to be enough or valued.  Thanks for nothing!  And all of these people passing by?…just proves you don’t love me or find me of worth and value.”  (Blessing...I, full of so much anger and no grace for anyone.  He, full of unending Love and Grace for me in that moment.) 

It’s a no-brainer that I have deep issues with worth and value that extend back to a father who molested me and a mother who ignored the situation.  It’s painfully obvious.  That morning God and I were down to the basics and the root of it all.  When I accepted Jesus four years ago, I told Him, “You are my new parent.”  But when your only reference point of a parent is of rejection, emotional abandonment, abuse, manipulation, and distrust…sometimes it can be a long hard road to trust and continually accept the love of God.  I'm a messy Christian....it’s a journey....a process.  Sometimes, like our own children, even we test our parent.  I was testing Him.  And like a “good” parent, He loved me through my tirade at Him on the side of the road.

 

Just then an elderly gentleman slowed to ask if he could be of assistance.  My car was feet in front of me.  I assured him we were fine.  He drove on.  (Blessing.)

God sent someone to show me He cared.

“Ok, so you love me.” 

Can’t you just see the child in me with crossed arms, pouty lip, and a tapping foot at this point?  Still fighting His love?

We made it back to the car.  My husband showed up by this time.  (Blessing.)  He even poured the gas in the tank for me.  All relieved.  I drove my kids to school. 

I got back in the car after dropping off the kids and heard Tenth Avenue North’s song “By Your Side”.  I came undone.  So many times I pick back up the very thing I originally laid down at the cross 4 years ago.  It wasn’t until that moment that morning, I let His love wash over me and accept how much he loves me and finds me of worth and value.  I’m a tough nut and a real pill sometimes.  Well,… all the time.  The words of the song tied the entire morning together and I finally fully received His love in the words, of "By Your Side" as if they were straight from God himself at that moment.   (BLESSING .... RECEIVED!!!!)

 

I hope you'll be encouraged by the song too. 

 

Big hugs to ALL of my fellow beautiful messy peeps!

-Erin Myers 

Childlike Faith - Part 2

Beloved ones, I want to share a story with you about what has recently transpired in my son's life.   It takes a bit to tell,...but it's a goodie.  So, sweet ones, go grab yourself a cup of coffee and take a 5 minute "soul break" and sit back and be encouraged by this storyteller momma's recent life moments.

For the last couple of years my son has grumbled every Sunday morning that he "has to go to church" and "has to go to Sunday school".  (As I said in my last blog post, "Childlike Faith - Part 1", I'm newish in my relationship with God as well.)  We started my youngest, young enough in this journey, that she readily accepts and believes in God.  But my oldest has held steadfast in his grumpy skepticism of church, Sunday school, and God.  And most of the time my husband and I are patient in God's plan for him and remain patient.

 

But I must admit, there have been times, my husband and I have reacted in not the most grace-filled ways with him in his grumbling over church attendance and God.  Many times getting frustrated in getting him to get out the door on a Sunday morning and over anxious for him to believe.  I tell you this fellow parents, so that if you see yourself in my husband and I, you will know you are not alone in this messy journey of parenthood.  I shudder as I think about how I've pushed too hard.  But I remind myself, God loves me right where I am...that I'm beautiful in my messy, frazzled, pushy momma state.

It wasn't until one evening, this past Christmas, while at my in-law's church when I was completely and thoroughly frustrated with my son looking so obviously bored, audibly sighing over and over and refusing to stand to sing when two pew rows of our family all stood in unison.  It was then in my frustration as I leaned over and wrapped my hand around his arm to tell him to stand for the Christmas song already in progress, that the question came to mind, "Oh honey, what are you doing?  If it was one of the 'new-to-God' women you work with in your women's ministry at church, would you grab their arm firmly and tell them to stand and sing?"  No! Never!   I retracted my hand from my son's arm and stood up again.  So if I would never do this with the women I work with, why was I doing this with my own child?  I needed to let go of my "when's, how's, and where's" on my son's faith journey.  I decided then and there to let go and went to God with childlike faith and trusted his plan for when, how, and where He and my son would meet.

My husband and I decided to take a class this past April, at church for one month. In taking this class it meant we had to be at church on Sunday's at an earlier hour than we normally attended.  So this meant our children went to the earlier Sunday school time while we were in the class on Sunday mornings.  For my son this meant different teachers in his class.  As it so happened, one of our friends volunteers as a teacher in that class as well.  As the month progressed with our family attending this earlier time at church, my husband and I noticed a change in our son.  He had started asking questions about God and our friend reported he was more involved in discussion in Sunday school.

Around this same time, things for my son were changing at school.  His best friend had let him know he was not going to be attending their school next year and his other good friend was angry with him and wasn't speaking to him.  After dealing with the combination, for about 2 weeks, it eventually became too much.  One evening, before school ended, my son broke down in tears.  I had said everything a mother would or could say about the two situations to help guide him through.  But somehow it was not enough.  So as I sat with him, and since I was "at the end of me" and all I could offer,....I went to God with childlike faith

"God, I do not have the words to help my son in his time of hurting, confusion and fear."  

 

Immediately it was laid on my heart to pray over him...out loud.

 

For those who know me best, they know I struggle with awkwardness to pray out loud in front of others,...including my family.   I pray for my children, but my prayer time is spent alone.  In the quietness of early mornings.  In.  My.  Head.  OF COURSE, God would ask me to pray out loud! 

 

As I looked at the boy-man in my arms, still softly sobbing,...I asked if he would mind if I prayed for him.  Of course my oh so sweet "hallmark moment" was interrupted with a tone only a "tween-aged boy" could summon, as he said, "Uh,....I guess?"

 

I proceeded to close my eyes and with childlike faith I began to pray a prayer ... that did not come from me.  As I sat there listening to the words tumble effortlessly from my own lips,...I was in awe.  As I heard myself speak, I heard the words that were exactly what my son needed to hear.  I knew I had gotten out of the way and God was using me to speak to my child.  I knew we were not alone in the family room as I prayed.  The words came too easily and too perfectly and with such confidence and assuredness.  Such exactness and sweetness.  I ended the prayer and we both said Amen.  I waited...with breath held. 

 

The first words from my son's mouth were, "That was weird."
(Remember he's a tween boy...so...anyway.)  I waited. 
"Mom?..... I think I just felt God.  I've never felt that before.  It was like He was right here." 
(Insert a big Momma "gulp" right.... about.... here!)  So, I remained calm on the outside but inside I was all like, "Holy smokes!  Did God just use me for my son?  Did I just witness my child's first time to ever experience God's presence?  That's awesome!"  Goosebumps!

 

 

 

School is out for summer break now.  And as the days slowly pass, my husband and I are hearing my son make small comments at random moments.  "Last night I talked to God about....."  or  "I asked God about that."  or  "God answered me and said...".  Childlike Faith.

 

Sweet ones, I don't have this parenting thing all figured out AT ALL.  But our God is so good and faithful.  He has us.  He is carrying us in the beautiful messiness of our parenting and he has our children too.  He is parenting us in our parenting and parenting our children in their lives.  Going to him and letting him know even in our clumsy way, "Hey, yeah, God...I know I'm the parent, but uh,...I need you to take over...like....NOW!"  It's ok!

 It's ok for us as parents to give ourselves permission to go to God as "his" child with childlike faith and ask him to help us parent our children. 

We aren't supposed to have it already all figured out.  And in watching us in our messy states and ways, our kids see it's ok for them to go to God just how they are and right where they are, too.


Challenge:  What do you struggle with in your faith journey?  How can you give it to God and let go and trust with childlike faith?  How can you go to God as a child, with your parenting issues?  What do you need to let go of in your child's faith journey or life in order to trust with "childlike faith" in God's plan for their lives?  What does "childlike faith" look like for you?
 

Childlike Faith - Part 1

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. 
The Lord be with all of you." - 2 Thessalonians 3:16



 

Last night my 7 year old daughter struggled to fall asleep.  I admit there was an inner groan of "not again"!  She was afraid of the dark.  Afraid of what might be in her closet.  Afraid that something was under her bed.  Something was outside her window.  Someone was in the hallway.  Arg!  At one point, she had worked herself up so much that she was slightly shaking and definitely sobbing.  Her fear had taken over. 

I went into her room and we talked.  And as I talked to her I heard myself telling her that she of course new the "truth" that nothing was there, but her own thoughts were what were scaring her...all of her "what-if's" and her imagination.  She insisted she needed someone to sleep with her in order to feel better.  It was so hard not to just give in and lay down next to her until she fell asleep. 

I reminded her that her brother was in the room next to her.  And that mommy and daddy were in the room on the other side of her.  Her whole family was with her in the house.  She insisted this wasn't the same as someone being in the room with her.

 

Now, let me back up and be totally honest.  I was tired.  So sleepy and I just wanted to get back to my bed and return to my sweet slumber.  And my daughter's main concern was that someone be in the room with her. So in this sleep deprived moment, I decided to pick God as the guy to fill the bill.  I admit my initial reasons to pass the buck to God, were all selfish and out of irritability and exhaustion in the moment. You see, I'm still a "Baby Christian".  I say this in meaning that I'm about 4 years new in my relationship with God and still learning about how he works.  So helping my children navigate getting to know God and helping them understand is really a moment by moment thing in our house.  Admittedly it is sloppy and often by accident. Thank goodness God took the mess of the moment and made a message out of it for both of us.  Yay God!!!  A message for her to learn to turn to God in times of trouble and rely on him.  And a message for me to remember to incorporate God into parenting and rely on him when I've "run out of me" as a parent.



Doing everyday life "with" God is Artful Living. 
 He is big enough to parent both myself and my children. 

 

So I told my daughter that she was not alone and that God was with her even when mommy, daddy, and her brother can't be with her at night.  We then talked about all the places she already goes that her family is not with her, school, the baby sitter's.... but that God is always with her.  She then asked,
 

 "So God is bigger than my family? 
And God is there for me when my family is not? 
So is God a bigger parent than you and Daddy?" 

 

Her questions were amazing and kind of a lot to take in in my sleep deprived state.  It was hard to admit that yes Daddy and I were not always going to be there for her whether physically or out of some lack of our own.  But He would be there for her when we would or could not.   

 

I answered each of her questions with a "yes".  

Yes, God is bigger than your family. 

Yes God is there for you when your family is not. 

Yes, God is a bigger parent than Daddy and I. 

 

I realized in this moment that God was there for me as a parent as well.  That yes indeed he was bigger than I.  He didn't need to sleep and he could be here for my daughter when I was struggling to do so.  Which of course will be the situation many times in my children's lives.   God was definitely using this moment to show my daughter He was the one to turn to and that he is always there even when mommy and daddy can not.  We talked then about how she could talk to God, and tell him how scared she was right at this moment and tell him what she needed.  She then took her moment and talked with him.  I asked her how it went and she said that he would give her what she asked for..."bravery".  Wow.  (You know... this "God stuff" in parenting is awesome!) 

 

I told her that even when I leave the room to go back to my bed, God will still be here in the room for her to continue to talk to.  And that her family's love for her always exists in her heart.  I walked out of the room and thanked God for totally providing for me in that moment and for her to turn to Him and waited. 

 

She peacefully fell asleep.

 

"Now may the Lord of peace himself

give you peace at all times and in every way. 

The Lord be with all of you." - 2 Thessalonians 3:16

 

She woke up this morning and her first words were filled with excitement, "Mommy, you were right, I took your advice!" (Thank goodness I was sitting down, because when a mom hears this particular statement from their child, it could cause sudden fainting.)  "Mommy, God was there for me!  I talked and talked to him and I got really relaxed and just fell asleep!  I slept so well all night!" 

 

I love my God.  He was there for me in a tired and exhausted mommy moment.  He was there for my daughter in a moment of being overcome with gripping fear.  He was a parent to us both.  That is Artful Living!  I love my God!  He is awesome!  Especially when he takes over so I can sleep (wink). 

 

Challenge:  When was the last time you talked to God?  Do you know that God is with you always?  How can you turn to God more often with the "daily" of life?  What steps can you take to rely more heavily on Him and less on others, things, environments, situations or yourself?   





Little Flower Gifts

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. - James 1:17

My daughter loves flowers.  Flowers outside.  Flowers on her bedspread and curtains.  Flowers on her clothes.  And... she gives them as tokens of her affection.  Just this morning as we were headed out the door, she announced with backpack on her back, "Wait!  Mommy!  I need to get a flower for my teacher!"  She then turned around and promptly went and snipped a flower from the leftover Easter bouquet on the kitchen table.  As the mother of this sweet child, she has given me so many flowers that I am now unable to keep up with their crispy remnants around the house.  I have one on my nightstand right now that is taped to a post-it with the words, "I love you Mommy."  There are many in the cup holder in my car. There is one on the island in my kitchen.  And as I sit here typing there is a collection of dried yellow, purple, and blue flowers on the base of my desk lamp.  The delicate gifts sprinkled by a little girl with love and affection for her mother.  Can I have an "awwwww"?

Though...there have been times when her tokens of affection have not been fully appreciated by me.  Like the time she left some very long weeds on my computer keyboard.  And the cat thought they looked alot like his long cat toy and he decided to play with the flowers.  In his exuberance, he successfully clawed off numerous keys on my computer keyboard and managed to embed the seeds under the other keys.  Or the times when "insect laden blossoms" have been placed ever so sweetly as beautiful decorations.... on my full plate of food.  You get the picture.  I could go on, but feel too guilty and like a "curmudgeony" mom to tell anymore stories, as I do know these gestures are because she loves me.  I am sad to report that sometimes, this control freak mom, finds these gifts messy.  I grumble about the messes that come along with these precious gifts.  They start out sweet and innocent and then they sometimes become messy and I see them as a nuisance or just "another" mess for me to clean, or a problem to be fixed.  (Sigh)...Not my finer moments of mommy hood. 

So it was in one of these moments of grumbling about cleaning up flower and weed dust remains in the food prep area of the kitchen, that God smacked me up side the head.

Everything we have in life is a gift from God.  He is constantly providing and proving His love and favor for us.  Just like my daughter in leaving the flowers around the house for me.

We readily accept His gifts when they are beautiful and come how we expect them.  But when our gifts don't come how we expect or turn messy and become a problem...we sometimes reject His gifts....His love. 

So in that moment of grumbling, I decided to change my attitude about my daughter's flowers when they turned messy or caused a problem.   Slowly, my attitude changed and now, I find I can't bring myself to toss them out.  I find no matter how messy, all I see is my little girl's love for me.

The other day, I decided to let her know just how special those little gifts of love and favor mean and I drew her a picture of her giving me one of her flowers and my loving response to her gift.  I handed her the picture as my own token of affection and love for her being her beautiful self.  By giving her that picture, was another "small-big" way for me to show my love and appreciation for God's biggest and truest gift in this story... my daughter. 

That is Artful Living! 

Challenge: What gifts have you received from God that were easy to love and appreciate?  What gifts from God have turned sour or came to you a mess?  Is there a way for you to see them as a gift?  Can you express, outwardly, your gratitude, joy, and appreciation of these gifts from God?