Being Comfortable in the Uncomfortable

I'm a mess.  Yes, that's right, I said it. A hot mess.  It was my birthday and I was standing with my backside facing the large wall mirror. All the while, looking into the hand held mirror in my hand at my bikini clad reflection in the larger mirror behind me. Ladies,... I am sure you all know what I was doing.  Yes, I was looking at my 39 year old hiney and wondering if I was brave enough to hit the very public and populated beaches of Newport, California.  I had wanted to head to the beach for my birthday.  Wanted to escape the summer heat of Arizona and enjoy the surf.  (Sigh.) Let me tell you, it was not one of my finer moments. I was having a body image meltdown in the tiny hotel room with overanxious children ready to head to the beach.  My husband was exasperated with me and all out of words to sooth my fragile female insecurities. Not fun.  Here I stood looking at my backside in the, ever growing larger, hotel mirror.  Seriously, when had my butt gotten so lumpy?  My bottom looked as if it was melting down my thighs!  When had the junk in my trunk gotten...old and messy?  The panic started to rise.  I had only packed a bikini and a one piece.  They each had their redeeming qualities and each their downfalls.  My mind was swirling. (I told you, I'm a mess.)  It was the start of MY day.  MY Birthday!  I can't let a little thing like a lumpy butt set the tone for my day. Ok, ok, I had to think about this...maybe it was the lighting... so I turned just a little more towards the light....(gasp!) NOT!.  I put the mirror down and covered my face with my hands.  I had the fleeting thought of emergency texting my friend who is a personal trainer, "EMERGENCY! I have a lumpy rump!  Must meet and fix ASAP!"  My more practical side prevailed.  I settled on the one piece, threw a sarong around my waist and faced the mirror and told myself, I had a day to cease.  I was going to walk out that door and pretend like I had the "saweeetest" hiney in the world. I was going to

fake it 'til I could make it. 

I ended up having an amazing day!  Lumpy hiney and all!  I played with my kids and husband in the surf most of the early afternoon.  My kids told me numerous times at the beach how much fun they were having with me in the waves.  We all laughed at ourselves and at each other the entire time.  Great memories were made.  Though, I must admit, I did think to myself many times how uncomfortable I felt, even while having fun.  I forced myself to sit with the uncomfortable feelings of less than pretty and feeling old.  I sat with those until I could separate the "feelings" from my "being".  In the end, great joy was found in the day.  But I pushed myself to
 

be comfortable in the uncomfortable.
 

I am a mess.  Yes,.... I said it again.  I am a hot mess.  Come on over to my house and you will find dust bunnies living full lives in the deep recesses of my home.  Dirty dishes in the sink.  They are practically a requirement for daily life.  Doggie paw prints on the sliding glass doors, are a considered a work of art here.  Paper piles, art supplies, hot glue guns, and crayons are found at arms length most anywhere in my home.  Toothpaste crust in the sink of the kids bathroom grows exponentially.  My closets and dressers are actually not too bad.  But that might be due to us constantly pulling clean outfits from the stacks of clean laundry in the laundry baskets.  The fridge is never fully stocked.  The dirty laundry in the laundry room is piled at least 2 feet high on top of the dryer.  I have probably 10 half done home improvement projects that have been sitting around for, oh....um...maybe a minimum of two years.  I can no longer see the front of my refrigerator for the "art collage project"  I'm working on entitled, "Kids papers, reminders, schedules, baby sitter and dog grooming phone numbers."   I am a mess.  I will admit, that staying open to people coming into my home despite the mess, is very challenging for me.  I try hard to be comfortable in the uncomfortable on this issue.  Strides are made to have people welcomed into my home, even when the house is in a sorry state.  Funny thing, they haven't run screaming, but instead return over and over.  Still loving and caring for me even in my homes' ebb and flow, from messy to tidy and back to messy again.  Much to my surprise it is not a factor in our relationships.  It is so difficult to let someone see my 'mess', in my home.  Now, bear in mind, that this is still a work in progress, for me.  I'll be honest, this being comfortable in the uncomfortable is tough stuff.  I think the uncomfortable feeling in this situation is that I am afraid of being rejected or unloved if someone sees my messy home.  

 

I certainly don't have this all figured out. Have I told you I'm a mess?  The other day I prayed for the first time in a group of people.  Prayer has always been a very, very, private thing for me. So this was completely out of my comfort zone.  For some reason I had a fleeting moment of bravery and volunteered myself to lead a group of ladies in prayer.  My cheeks went hot, palms were sweating, couldn't think straight, and worse yet I had nothing coming to mind to say!  What was I thinking?!  Being in the moment and exposed for the poor prayer "sayer" that I am, sent my heart racing.  All thought ceased in my brain.  To top it off, the group I offered to lead in prayer was a group of women belonging to a christian women's group!  I'm going to be found out!  The panic was rising as I stood there holding hands with these ladies, feeling so vulnerable and uncomfortable.  But amazingly, I started speaking.  The words came.   I have no idea how, but they did.  They were not pretty and eloquent like so many in that circle that I have heard before.  What I spoke was messy and awkward and I think I even quoted a line from a song...(insert eyeroll)!  The uncomfortable feeling in this situation, was appearing ignorant, and uninspiring.  I didn't want to lose their respect.  What I found was great joy with myself that I took on the challenge, persevered, and came out on the other side. I realized I had completely jumped into the abyss of the uncomfortable and decided to just sit with that uncomfortable feeling of being "less than adequate".  But was I really "less than adequate"?  Was that the truth? No.  My being...who I am...was not that negative feeling of "less than adequate".

 A funny thing happens when you sit with the uncomfortable feeling.  You start to separate the "feeling" from who you are as a person.  That uncomfortable feeling is not your truth or your authentic self.

 

You start to realize that you CAN feel comfortable in the uncomfortable once you separate the two.  Why are these moments, like the examples above, so important in our lives?  They are great practice for when the harder times come.  God tells us that "it is not if the hard times will come, but when the difficult times will come to pass."  These smaller situations that I described above are great practice for the tougher times in life.  Great strength is gained in pushing oneself through these moments.  Making realizations that we WILL get through to the other side of challenging times.  That there is life beyond the uncomfortable and that our personal truth is not our negative emotion.   There is great opportunity that lies within the uncomfortable.  Gains in personal growth, confidence, less negative inner monologue, character, and stronger faith.  JOY is a choice.  One can make the decision to choose to find the JOY in any situation.  When we keep ourselves in the negative feelings or worse yet, avoiding the negative feelings, we miss out on the JOY to be found. Though many of us, myself included, struggle with even the above situations; bikini's, messy homes, and praying in a groups.  By facing and sitting in the uncomfortable feelings and getting through those, I opened myself up to experience the joy of of living fully right where I was.  THAT is Artful Living!  

So how can we build our tolerance muscles, for being comfortable in the uncomfortable? We start small.  Then we work up from there.  Here are some example ideas to get you started. 

- Write with your non-dominant hand.
- Sleep with your head at the foot of the bed.
- Change up your drive to work.
- Speak when you normally wouldn't speak. Stay quiet when you wouldn't normally stay quiet.
- Wear something you wouldn't normally wear.
- Change up your routine of the day.
- Eat something you don't like.
- Listen to an entire cd that you don't like.

Try coming up with your own list of things you might try.  Start small, but try to really challenge yourself.

 

  Remember, there are opportunities and great gains in the challenges of life.

This Week:
Try one thing each day, this week, that is out of your comfort zone.  Sit with the discomfort.  Then ask yourself, "What is the uncomfortable feeling I am having?"  Once you have identified it, do further self inquiry into the why of the uncomfortable feeling.  Do some soul searching. See if you can separate that negative emotion from your identity.  At the end of the week, take stock of each thing you tried, and ask yourself, "What have I learned?  How have I grown?  Do I feel stronger and ready to take on the next level of challenges?"   Be creative and have fun! 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you." - Philippians 4:6-8

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." - Hebrews 12:11