Being Comfortable in the Uncomfortable

I'm a mess.  Yes, that's right, I said it. A hot mess.  It was my birthday and I was standing with my backside facing the large wall mirror. All the while, looking into the hand held mirror in my hand at my bikini clad reflection in the larger mirror behind me. Ladies,... I am sure you all know what I was doing.  Yes, I was looking at my 39 year old hiney and wondering if I was brave enough to hit the very public and populated beaches of Newport, California.  I had wanted to head to the beach for my birthday.  Wanted to escape the summer heat of Arizona and enjoy the surf.  (Sigh.) Let me tell you, it was not one of my finer moments. I was having a body image meltdown in the tiny hotel room with overanxious children ready to head to the beach.  My husband was exasperated with me and all out of words to sooth my fragile female insecurities. Not fun.  Here I stood looking at my backside in the, ever growing larger, hotel mirror.  Seriously, when had my butt gotten so lumpy?  My bottom looked as if it was melting down my thighs!  When had the junk in my trunk gotten...old and messy?  The panic started to rise.  I had only packed a bikini and a one piece.  They each had their redeeming qualities and each their downfalls.  My mind was swirling. (I told you, I'm a mess.)  It was the start of MY day.  MY Birthday!  I can't let a little thing like a lumpy butt set the tone for my day. Ok, ok, I had to think about this...maybe it was the lighting... so I turned just a little more towards the light....(gasp!) NOT!.  I put the mirror down and covered my face with my hands.  I had the fleeting thought of emergency texting my friend who is a personal trainer, "EMERGENCY! I have a lumpy rump!  Must meet and fix ASAP!"  My more practical side prevailed.  I settled on the one piece, threw a sarong around my waist and faced the mirror and told myself, I had a day to cease.  I was going to walk out that door and pretend like I had the "saweeetest" hiney in the world. I was going to

fake it 'til I could make it. 

I ended up having an amazing day!  Lumpy hiney and all!  I played with my kids and husband in the surf most of the early afternoon.  My kids told me numerous times at the beach how much fun they were having with me in the waves.  We all laughed at ourselves and at each other the entire time.  Great memories were made.  Though, I must admit, I did think to myself many times how uncomfortable I felt, even while having fun.  I forced myself to sit with the uncomfortable feelings of less than pretty and feeling old.  I sat with those until I could separate the "feelings" from my "being".  In the end, great joy was found in the day.  But I pushed myself to
 

be comfortable in the uncomfortable.
 

I am a mess.  Yes,.... I said it again.  I am a hot mess.  Come on over to my house and you will find dust bunnies living full lives in the deep recesses of my home.  Dirty dishes in the sink.  They are practically a requirement for daily life.  Doggie paw prints on the sliding glass doors, are a considered a work of art here.  Paper piles, art supplies, hot glue guns, and crayons are found at arms length most anywhere in my home.  Toothpaste crust in the sink of the kids bathroom grows exponentially.  My closets and dressers are actually not too bad.  But that might be due to us constantly pulling clean outfits from the stacks of clean laundry in the laundry baskets.  The fridge is never fully stocked.  The dirty laundry in the laundry room is piled at least 2 feet high on top of the dryer.  I have probably 10 half done home improvement projects that have been sitting around for, oh....um...maybe a minimum of two years.  I can no longer see the front of my refrigerator for the "art collage project"  I'm working on entitled, "Kids papers, reminders, schedules, baby sitter and dog grooming phone numbers."   I am a mess.  I will admit, that staying open to people coming into my home despite the mess, is very challenging for me.  I try hard to be comfortable in the uncomfortable on this issue.  Strides are made to have people welcomed into my home, even when the house is in a sorry state.  Funny thing, they haven't run screaming, but instead return over and over.  Still loving and caring for me even in my homes' ebb and flow, from messy to tidy and back to messy again.  Much to my surprise it is not a factor in our relationships.  It is so difficult to let someone see my 'mess', in my home.  Now, bear in mind, that this is still a work in progress, for me.  I'll be honest, this being comfortable in the uncomfortable is tough stuff.  I think the uncomfortable feeling in this situation is that I am afraid of being rejected or unloved if someone sees my messy home.  

 

I certainly don't have this all figured out. Have I told you I'm a mess?  The other day I prayed for the first time in a group of people.  Prayer has always been a very, very, private thing for me. So this was completely out of my comfort zone.  For some reason I had a fleeting moment of bravery and volunteered myself to lead a group of ladies in prayer.  My cheeks went hot, palms were sweating, couldn't think straight, and worse yet I had nothing coming to mind to say!  What was I thinking?!  Being in the moment and exposed for the poor prayer "sayer" that I am, sent my heart racing.  All thought ceased in my brain.  To top it off, the group I offered to lead in prayer was a group of women belonging to a christian women's group!  I'm going to be found out!  The panic was rising as I stood there holding hands with these ladies, feeling so vulnerable and uncomfortable.  But amazingly, I started speaking.  The words came.   I have no idea how, but they did.  They were not pretty and eloquent like so many in that circle that I have heard before.  What I spoke was messy and awkward and I think I even quoted a line from a song...(insert eyeroll)!  The uncomfortable feeling in this situation, was appearing ignorant, and uninspiring.  I didn't want to lose their respect.  What I found was great joy with myself that I took on the challenge, persevered, and came out on the other side. I realized I had completely jumped into the abyss of the uncomfortable and decided to just sit with that uncomfortable feeling of being "less than adequate".  But was I really "less than adequate"?  Was that the truth? No.  My being...who I am...was not that negative feeling of "less than adequate".

 A funny thing happens when you sit with the uncomfortable feeling.  You start to separate the "feeling" from who you are as a person.  That uncomfortable feeling is not your truth or your authentic self.

 

You start to realize that you CAN feel comfortable in the uncomfortable once you separate the two.  Why are these moments, like the examples above, so important in our lives?  They are great practice for when the harder times come.  God tells us that "it is not if the hard times will come, but when the difficult times will come to pass."  These smaller situations that I described above are great practice for the tougher times in life.  Great strength is gained in pushing oneself through these moments.  Making realizations that we WILL get through to the other side of challenging times.  That there is life beyond the uncomfortable and that our personal truth is not our negative emotion.   There is great opportunity that lies within the uncomfortable.  Gains in personal growth, confidence, less negative inner monologue, character, and stronger faith.  JOY is a choice.  One can make the decision to choose to find the JOY in any situation.  When we keep ourselves in the negative feelings or worse yet, avoiding the negative feelings, we miss out on the JOY to be found. Though many of us, myself included, struggle with even the above situations; bikini's, messy homes, and praying in a groups.  By facing and sitting in the uncomfortable feelings and getting through those, I opened myself up to experience the joy of of living fully right where I was.  THAT is Artful Living!  

So how can we build our tolerance muscles, for being comfortable in the uncomfortable? We start small.  Then we work up from there.  Here are some example ideas to get you started. 

- Write with your non-dominant hand.
- Sleep with your head at the foot of the bed.
- Change up your drive to work.
- Speak when you normally wouldn't speak. Stay quiet when you wouldn't normally stay quiet.
- Wear something you wouldn't normally wear.
- Change up your routine of the day.
- Eat something you don't like.
- Listen to an entire cd that you don't like.

Try coming up with your own list of things you might try.  Start small, but try to really challenge yourself.

 

  Remember, there are opportunities and great gains in the challenges of life.

This Week:
Try one thing each day, this week, that is out of your comfort zone.  Sit with the discomfort.  Then ask yourself, "What is the uncomfortable feeling I am having?"  Once you have identified it, do further self inquiry into the why of the uncomfortable feeling.  Do some soul searching. See if you can separate that negative emotion from your identity.  At the end of the week, take stock of each thing you tried, and ask yourself, "What have I learned?  How have I grown?  Do I feel stronger and ready to take on the next level of challenges?"   Be creative and have fun! 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you." - Philippians 4:6-8

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." - Hebrews 12:11


The Path Behind Us

I couldn't move.  I couldn't go forward.  I couldn't go backwards. Moving left or right to go around the cars in front of me was not an option.  I had to wait. There were so many cars in front of me on the road that I couldn't see what was up ahead. That "running 10 minutes early" that I had going for me earlier was now undone and quickly changing into "running 10 minutes late".  I sighed a very audible sigh.  "Great", I thought, "I made preparations to be ahead today, and now I am behind.  I can't see how long this line of traffic is up ahead of me.  I can't move forward and must just wait where my car sits."  I smile and snicker to myself at the irony of my predicament.  My lonely "getting nowhere" situation seemed to match the mood I was in with the current affairs of my life.  Feeling like God has left me all alone and I'm not moving forward, for all the work I'm putting in.  Feeling like I'm not getting anywhere and virtually standing still in my life.  I also noticed I felt very alone in this sea of cars, which seemed similar to what was happening in my life that day. Feeling like God had left me all alone.

Ahhh, another long sigh.  I turned up the radio to push away the negative thoughts and feelings that were mounting in my mind.  Those familiar feelings of feeling like I am treading water all alone and that I am completely failing at all I am trying to accomplish.  I reached for the dial on the radio again, as it just wasn't loud enough to drown out the negaitve inner monologue and lonely feeling I had building.  

I sat there completely immobile letting myself be carried away by the song on the radio.  It was a great song by Britt Nicole, called "All this time". (Song included at the end of this blog.) I had never really listened to the words before, but today the words hit me in a particularly different way.  Her song is about how God has been there all of her life and that she has never been alone.  That He has always been right beside her.  In the joys and the pains of life. Her whole life.  

I looked up at the rear view mirror and adjusted it.  The road behind me was so long.  The infinite line of cars glittered in the mirage of watery heat from the pavement.  In fact, the road behind me went on and on and on.   

My mind returned to Britt Nicole's melodic voice on the car radio..."You were always there.  It was just You and I. You've been walking with me all this time...." 

Sitting there looking at the path behind me and listening to the prophetic words of the song, triggered a shift in my attitude. 

So much of our lives we are told to always look at the road ahead of us and not look back.  Though, when we are stuck, in a holding pattern, or feeling like we are getting no where in life, maybe that is when we need to stop looking ahead. Maybe that is when we need to look at how far we have come and that we were never alone in our journey.  Looking behind at the long road, it struck me how far I have come in my life.  All that I have overcome and accomplished.  Britt Nicole's song hit's close to home for me, as I can remember being "that" girl who had "that day" in her bedroom with no one to turn to trying to be strong.  He was there that day and everyday since.  I could see it all...as I looked behind me.

Sitting in the middle of traffic on an idle weekday in Phoenix, I let the words of a song soak into my heart and permeate it in the deepest fashion.  I thought over all that I was currently dealing with and it was nothing compared to all that I have come through. Each past difficulty and each amazing joy I have had, He was there.  No one else may have been present, but He was there.  Even in the days when I refused to come to Him.  He was there. Look at how long and beautiful the path is behind me!  I was never alone.

Such deep thoughts for a random moment in the car while sitting in traffic.  Right?  But this is exactly what I try to write about...Artful Living.  In our most common of moments, He is there with us and speaking to us. If we can just open ourselves up and listen closely, He is speaking to us in the ways that reach us.  

Eventually, the cars in front of me started to move and I was moving forward, but with a renewed appreciation and a more positive outlook.  Even when I think I'm alone and getting no where, I have only to look at the long well accomplished path behind me and see and that I have come through so much...and He was there at every turn.  

That is Artful Living!

THANK YOU!

A big "thank you" to my amazing creative sister, Alyssa Finney Chew, for taking the above photo of the path for my story!  You rock!  Check out her photography at Lifeology Photography. 

This week:

Take some time this week and see if you are able to see the extraordinary in the ordinary.  What lessons are the small moments of life trying to teach you?  Try listening for God's direction in the common moments of life. 

"God will show me the path of life." (Psalm 16:11)

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." (Psalm 119:105)

"I trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.  In all my ways I acknowledge Him and He directs my paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

(Thought you might enjoy hearing Britt Nicole's song, "All this time". Lyrics are below.)

Britt Nicole - "All This Time" Lyrics

I remember the moment

I remember the pain

I was only a girl

But I grew up that day

Tears were falling

I know You saw me

Hiding there in my bedroom

So alone

I was doing my best

Trying to be strong

No one to turn to

That's when I met You

All this time

From the first tear cry

To today's sunrise

And every single moment between

You were there

You were always there

It was You and I

You've been walking with me all this time

Ever since that day

it's been clear to me

That no matter what comes

You will never leave

I know You're for me

And You're restoring

Every heartache and failure

Every broken dream

You're the God who sees

The God who rescued me

This is my story

This is my story

All this time

From the first tear cry

To today's sunrise

And every single moment between

You were there

You were always there

It was You and I

You've been walking with me all this time.

I hear these people asking me

How do I know what I believe?

Well I'm not the same me

And that's all the proof I need

I felt Love I felt Your grace

You stole me heart that day

The True Beauty Within

I can just picture him.  Dusty, thin,... the orginal "starving artist".  Looking harried, pensive, and a bit wild eyed as he walked through the marble mines of Carrara, Italy.  His hands caressing the ancient hardened earth. His eyes moving over the surface looking for the purest block of stone.  No veining.  It had to be unblemished and smooth, so as to represent the skin of the Holy beings he wished to release.  I imagine him mumbling in prayer to God.  Asking HIM to direct his eyes and hands to the "one".  The block of marble that held within it, a masterpiece that God, himself, desired of this sculptor to release.  The moment must have been exquisite when he found "it".  The "one".  The true form in that block of earth, the Lord of Heaven masterfully asked of Michelanglo to release.   I have read of the massive pully systems that were built to bring these giants of stone down from the mountain.  The men that strained under the weight of God's will, that worked through a dirty stubborn man.  Michelangelo would often build a shed around the rock, to conceal his work.  Every time he committed himself, body and soul, to the "taking away" of the excess, to release the beauty within.  He was known for praying over his task, asking God to direct his hands to release HIS truest form that had always been within the block of earth.  It had only to be released by the guidance and love of a masterful God through the hands of a skilled sculpture.  Many times, after months of eating only stale bread and barely bathing, Michelangelo would remove the walls of the temporary veiling structure.  The sculpture that his God had known was always there was revealed.  The true "beauty" that God had created for this unlikely piece of earth.  The "excess" had been chiseled away and the true identity born for all to see.    

Michelangelo, preferred sculpting marble to any other form of art.  He did paint beautifully, but is quoted in letters to his father that he preferred the marble to any other form of art, because of this "taking away" of the excess to reveal the "true identity" God had created.  A deeply religious and obviously spiritual man, he felt God guided his skillful hands and eyes in the inward searching of every sculpture.

Many of us go through life not being our true selves.  I've been there.  It was exhausting living up to others expectations, or my own unrealistic expectations, and trying to be something I was not.  I lived cloaked in fear and doubt.  When I decided that the facade was too much to keep, the taking away of the excess was akin to breaking apart.  My chiseling journey is still not complete, but far enough along that the truer figure is emerging. The process that Michelangelo used to carve marble is amazingly similar to the process of excavating the true self and knowing ourselves as God sees us.  If you are someone who is exhausted and desires to free your authentic self, here are a few questions to get you started.   

Are you currently living in your true identity?  Your true beauty? Who God created you to be?

What "excess" have you acquired in your life? 

What do you need to chisel away and break down to find the truest form of yourself?

What have you put around your true self?  What form does your cloaking come in?  The form of fear? Anger? Sadness? Denial? Others Expectations? Your High Expectations? Protection? Your past history?

Can you visualize yourself without this/these? 

What would you look like if Michelangelo chiseled away the heavy  facade? 

This week:
Try a visualization exercise, wherein you try to see the "excess" falling away, and see your authentic self emerging.  Once you see it, what do you look like?  Act like?  Can you remember a time when the facade was not in place?  When you were your authentic self?  What action steps can you take towards excavating your true beauty and living it out loud?  Repeat the visualization as often as you need.  This exercise is great inspiration for yourself!

"Our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace." - Psalm 144:12

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God?  Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."- Galatians 1:10

"You are a light of the world like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see.  Don't hide your light under a basket!  Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all." - Matthew 5:14-15

"For we are God's masterpiece, He created us anew in Christ Jesus so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."- Ephesians 2:10